Miscellaneous Masala/Spicy Stuff

Divorce letters (THIS IS GOOD)

Dear Wife,
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm
leaving you for good. I've been a good man to you for
seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These
last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to
tell me that you had quit your job today and that was
the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I
had gotten a new hair cut, cooked your favorite meal,
and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers later
that night.

You came home, nibbled at your food for two minutes,
and went straight to sleep after watching all of your
soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you
don't want sex anymore or anything. Either you're
cheating on me or you don't love me. Whichever is the
case,,,,I'm gone.

Signed,

Your EX-Husband

P.S. Don't try to find me. Your sister and I are
moving away to West Virginia together. Have a great
life!


Dear Ex-Husband,

Nothing has made my day more enjoyable than receiving
your letter. It's true that you and I have been
married for seven years, although a 'good man' is a
far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so
much because they drown out your constant whining and
griping. It's just too bad it doesn't work.

Yes, I did notice when you got a hair cut last
week,,,and actually the first thing that came to my
mind was "You look just like a girl",,, but my mother
raised me not to say anything at all if you can't say
anything nice. And when you cooked my favorite meal,
you must have gotten me confused with my SISTER,
because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.

I turned away from you when you had those new silk
boxers on because the price tag was still on them. I
prayed that it was just a coincidence that my sister
had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning
and your silk boxers were $49.99...

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we
could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit
the lotto for twenty million dollars, I quit my job
and bought us two tickets to Hawaii. But when I got
home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I
guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you've
always wanted.

My lawyer said with the letter that you wrote, you
won't get a dime from me. So take care.

Signed:
Rich As Hell and Freeeeeeeeeeee!

P.S . I don't know if I ever told you this but my
sister 'Carla',,,was born Carl. I hope that's not a
problem for you.

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