Miscellaneous Masala/Spicy Stuff

1. Have your body stuffed like artist Jeremy Bentham. As
requested in his will, his body was preserved and stored in a
wooden cabinet, termed his “Auto-Icon”. Originally kept by his
disciple Dr. Southwood Smith, it was acquired by University
College London in 1850. The Auto-Icon is kept on public display at
the end of the South Cloisters in the main building of the College.
The Auto-Icon has always had a wax head, as Bentham’s head
was badly damaged in the preservation process. The real head
was displayed in the same case for many years, but became the
target of repeated student pranks including being stolen on more
than one occasion. It is now locked away securely. (Side note:
you may have to truly befriend a taxidermist whilst you’re still alive
to make this first one happen. It’s not really a “walk-in” sort of
job.)


2. Launch yourself into space at Space Services, Inc. You can,
“touch the cosmos… Space Services makes it possible to honor
the dream and memory of your departed loved one by launching a
symbolic portion of cremated remains into Earth orbit, onto the
lunar surface or into deep space.” $495 gets you into low Earth
orbit. A cool $13k can get a bit of you-flavored cool-aid mix shot
into the heart of our galaxy.


3. Make yourself into the hardest thing on the planet with Life
Gem. I always wanted to be really shiny, and now, when I die, I
can be. Life gem extracts pure carbon from your remains and
forges a diamond. Man of steel my foot, I’d rather be the most
well-marketed gem on the planet.


4. You and your body could always “go green”. You might be
turning that shade after a few days anyway, but now it can be
good thing for the environment. Maybe you’ve got concerns about
the effects on the environment of traditional burial or cremation.
You can choose to be buried in a coffin made of cardboard or
other easily-biodegradable materials. Furthermore, you could
choose to have your final resting place in a park or woodland,
known as an eco-cemetery, and you can have a tree planted over
your grave as a contribution to the environment and a
remembrance. Get more info at ForestofMemories.org


5. You could go online. Everyone’s doing it these days. You don’t
even have to have a pulse, just a modem. A quick visit to
Online-Funeral.com (I couldn’t make this up if I wanted to) and
you’re on your way to stiff cyberspace. Just make sure your will
clearly spells out the difference between a Night Elf Hunter’s garb
and a Night Elf Druid’s garb for your embalmer. Everyone knows
druids are pussies and you wouldn’t want to look silly on the big
day.


6. Have someone eat your sins, if you’ve got six-pence. (I would
imagine, this is handy solution for those without religion, but
insecure in their lack of belief.) This was common practice in the
19th century in Wales. A sin eater was hired to place a cube of
salt on the dead body and then place a loaf of bread on top of
that. The eater would mutter an incantation and then consume
the bread with a bowl of beer or milk. It was then understood that
he had taken all the deceased sins upon himself. Sin eaters were
generally despised in their communities and considered Pariah:
irredeemable souls. (And underpaid ones, if you ask me.)


7. Maybe you’re not going quietly into that good night at all.
Perhaps you would be best served by U.S. patent #81,437, the
coffin escape hatch. “”The nature of this invention consists in
placing on the lid of the coffin, and directly over the face of the
body laid therein, a square tube, which extends from the coffin up
through and over the surface of the grave, said tube containing a
ladder and a cord, one end of said cord being placed in the hand
of the person laid in the coffin, and the other end of said cord
being attached to a bell on the top of the square tube, so that,
should a person be interred ere life is extinct, he can, on recovery
to consciousness, ascend from the grave and the coffin by the
ladder; or, if not able to ascend by said ladder, ring the bell,
thereby giving an alarm, and thus save himself from premature
burial and death” I would imagine this was much more useful
back then when medicine was a less precise science.

Source: The World Wide Web! - Back to Homepage

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